I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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