Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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