i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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