That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i love accidental penises.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
