I saw his package. It spoke to me.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
