Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I didn't notice because vodka
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
