my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
