I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My boob is missing a layer of skin
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
