I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
