sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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