I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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