k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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