im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
