i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
