You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
