Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
