It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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