just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
