I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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