I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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