I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
