You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
