some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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