You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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