Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Drunk is not a location!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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