If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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