Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
