god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
