Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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