she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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