In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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