Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
