yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm always down for nudity.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
