i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
