found the other keg... it's in the tree
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize