I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
