The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
