there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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