Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
There's always time for handjobs
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
