the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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