Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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