she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
