And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
if only i could text you this smell
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
