You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
