he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
