oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
