'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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