the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
