I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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