she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
