So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
