I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
