im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
