oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
