So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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